Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Bes

I think "bes" should be a word (pronounced 'bees'). The kids use it all the time, it makes sense, and half the time I don't even notice it. Here is how it's used: If he bes nice to me, I'll be nice to him. Think about it. What would you use in its place? "Is"? How descriptive. "Bes" is an active word. "Is" just is. In fact, I think we should adopt all the words that kids use: He comed over last night. The water runned for a long time. I telled her a secret. And one that just happened: He falled down the stairs. "Bes" just fits right in. She bes very careful when she uses scissors. After a while, it just starts to come out of its own accord. Say it for a few minutes, then I dare you to NOT use it.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

What's Wrong With This Picture?

I'm driving home from swimming lessons, Claire is crying (loudly) because she wants her seat reclined, but if it reclines it will hit Quincy behind her. I push play on the Book of Mormon CD thinking that will help the mood in the car. (We listen to it every morning, and it usually helps.) Claire starts crying louder, so I turn up the volume. You've never heard Mosiah chapter 15 so loudly. Then Quincy starts yelling to turn it down because it's too loud (notice the irony). And Alyce starts yelling at Quincy to stop yelling. Finally, I stop the car, turn the volume down, and turn around to yell at the kids for being so loud that I can't hear the CD. What's wrong with this picture?

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Maybe You Should Put That On Your Blog

So the kids have been reading my blog. Not sure that's such a good thing. (Especially concerning the S.C. comment--see "Why?") Now, every time something funny happens or someone says something funny, they all say, "Maybe you should put that on your blog, Mom." For example, tonight, Alyce was rolling around on the bed and ripped one. Quincy started laughing really hard, then after he had recovered, said, "Maybe you should put that on your blog, Mom." Curious, I asked him, "What would I put?" He said, "Alyce stuck her bum in the air and tooted." So there you have it. Quincy's (and Alyce's) contribution to my blog.

The Boss

We were having a discussion about what Quincy was going to be when he grows up. He said he wanted to be a teacher. I told him he should be a boss or the president of a company so he could be in control and tell people what to do. He really liked that. He said, "Yeah! Then people would come to me and say, 'Hello, Master,' and bow down in front of me." Speechless, I said, (apparently not entirely speechless), "Ummm..." But he paid me no heed. He continued, "Then I would be like the Emperor on Star Wars, and I would be in a dark room and I would have a black chair with buttons on it." Hmmmm... Watch out, world.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Glitter Does Not Digest

I found this out when I was changing Xander's diaper and found a sparkly surprise! The day before, he had been playing with a pretend microphone that was covered with glitter. Apparently, he took a little taste of the microphone because it came through loud and clear (pun intended). I have to admit, though, it added a little bit of magic, if you will, into the doldrums of motherhood.

Perhaps there is a market for this: On Mother's Day, (or rather the day before) the father can buy Glitter Food and secretly feed the kids glitter mixed in with their food. The next day, all the children can add a little sparkle into their mother's life. This will sell like hotcakes because all the fathers would rather buy the product than clean up the mess for the mother, ironically enough. Of course, as fate would have it, the product would probably give all the kids diarrhea, so the mother would have double the mess to clean up.

Or maybe you could sell Glitter Spritz so when a child throws up all over the carpet, or poops on the couch, or pees on the rug, you can just sprinkle this Glitter Spritz over the top of it, bringing an instant smile to your face and making you feel like Mary Poppins as you scrub it.

By the way, we've never had poop on the couch, so those of you who visit us can rest assured that it is a clean couch. And don't get worried if you see glitter on the cushions. It's just from the microphone.

Monday, June 9, 2008

Father's Day Singing Time

Yesterday, for Singing Time, we were practicing Father's Day songs. I had Derek come in wearing an old tie that he was going to throw away. I had him come up to the front and told him I liked his tie. I made a big deal about it, saying how well it matched his suit and told the kids that his Mom had given it to him (which was true). Then I told the kids that I thought his tie needed to be trimmed. Each time they sang the songs, they would get to cut off a piece of his tie, and the louder they sang, the more they got to cut off. You should have seen their faces. Some of them were horrified, others were excited, (Quincy was the first one to volunteer) and some weren't sure if I was kidding or not.

I have never heard them sing so loud! It was a hit! Each child got to keep a piece of the tie. Then Derek wore the tie to sacrament meeting. I also had one of the kids' grandpa come in and do the same thing. Afterwards, I told them that they were really old ties that were going to be thrown away anyway, and that they shouldn't cut ties up. I could just see the kids going into their Dad's closets and shredding a bunch of expensive ties!

The only thing I felt bad about was Alyce. I noticed that she was not participating, which surprised me. When I called on her to cut off a piece, she wouldn't do it, and she kept her head down most of the time. Afterwards, I asked her if that activity made her feel bad and she said yes. I asked her if it was because she felt bad for Dad having his tie cut up, and she said yes and almost started crying! Little tenderhearted Alyce! I explained that it was a tie that Dad was going to throw away anyway and that he was never going to wear it again, and that I had told him to wear an old tie that day so he knew about it. She was fine after that, but I still felt really bad.

Why?

Why is it that children will believe that a pencil is a microphone, and a jacket worn with only the hood on is hair, and there is a monster in the closet, and Santa Claus is real, yet they don't believe you when you say, "If you do that one more time..."????

Saturday, June 7, 2008

Quincy's Day--June 7, 2008

9:00 AM—While eating breakfast, Quincy remarked to Mom, “Down below…where the bad people live…that’s called the “h” word.” He thinks for a moment. “I think that’s where we get rated-R movies from. They mail them up to us.”

12:00 noon—After lunch he started making a book called “That’s Not My Dad…” based on the Usborne Books. (Example: That’s not my tractor. It’s tires are too squishy. That’s not my tractor. It’s headlights are so shiny. Etc…). After he wrote the book, he illustrated it. Then he had Derek make four copies of each page, so he could staple them together, making four copies of the same book. Then he took the little table and chair set outside on the sidewalk with his newly published books. He put up a sign that said, “$1.” (He’s been trying to earn up money to buy a tarantula, and he only has $5 left. I told him he could earn up the rest of the money by doing chores, but apparently it was easier to write and illustrate a book, publish it, then sell it on the sidewalk where no one drives by.)

Thinking about our neighbors, it was then that Derek realized the content of the book. Here is what it said: (typos and misspellings included)
That’s not my Dad. It’s hair is to gray. (Picture of a man with gray hair, beard and mustache.)
That’s not my Dad. His skin is to brown. (Picture of a man with a REALLY brown face.)
That’s not my Dad. It’s shoes are to black. (Picture of legs wearing black shoes.)
That’s my Dad. His eyes are blue. (Picture of one blue eye. Ironically, Derek does not have blue eyes.)
The End
We live next door to a family from South America on one side, and an Asian couple on the other side. Derek was worried about them getting offended if they saw the book (due to the brown skin page), so he told Quincy he would buy all four copies of the book: one for each Grandma, one for him, and one for Mom. Quincy was really disappointed until he counted his money.

5:00 PM—Quincy was getting bored. I could tell this because whenever he gets bored, he starts to get creative. The next thing I knew, Xander was on a leash. Quincy had gotten a jump rope from the basement and tied it around Xander’s waist. Quincy was leading him around the house and Xander was following along (he can walk now, by the way). Quincy said, “I love having a baby for a pet!”

7:00 PM—During dinner, Quincy announced that Mom was too fat to wear a bikini. You’re not getting dessert, kid.